If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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