giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
