What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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