The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
