fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
