hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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