1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
