honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
