I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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