I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
