He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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