Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
