From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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