We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
