Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
