so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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