My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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