quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
