Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
