Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize