I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
