I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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