i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
