the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
