One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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