I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is my gift to your gina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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