I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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