Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
