Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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