proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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