oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
