he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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