After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
