I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
