if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
