please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
