I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
