god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
