I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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