girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Found the puke drawer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
