I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my liver is dry heaving
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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