sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
