you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My hand turned me down
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
