You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
