can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
