i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
