And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
