I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
