We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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