He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
