Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
