Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
