i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
