Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
