My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
