I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just pee around me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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