Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
