I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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