Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
