Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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