Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
