quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
