i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
