I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
