my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We have started to decorate penises.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
