Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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