Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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