Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
