I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
