no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
