sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
