We're facebook friends in real life
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
