Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
