i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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