so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
